All These Wasted Hours

I have pretty much wasted my life.

I have pretty much wasted most of my life and all I have to show for it is a degree, a VCE score that after all the blood, sweat and tears means exactly less than dick right now, and the high score on the ‘Basketball Machine’ at Intensity. Ironically, I did cheat to achieve this last goal by having a friend climb the apparatus and drop all my athletically challenged wide shots in the ring, but in my defence, I needed the tickets so I could get a moustache comb (which I have never needed to use….thanks delayed puberty!) and three redskins (which gave me food poisoning).

So, as I have a predisposition to spend hours watching Celebrity Rehab and wandering aimlessly through Aussie Disposals for no apparent reason, I can ill afford to waste any more time.

This means that when I am in the process of doing things which, in the grand scheme of my life, are relative to finding a cure for cancer, such as consuming good music, nothing pisses me off more when my time is wasted for no reason.

Fugue, Lamb on the Lam, Ghost Outfit, Let’s Hear Than String Part Again Because I Don’t Think They Heard It and pretty much any song titled Intro, Interlude or that is left blank on the album. These are all examples of wastes of my life. Sure its only 30 seconds, a minute at best, but with my staunch ‘no skip’ policy that I try to abide by when listening to albums, who can tell how much more of my life has been wasted listening to these musicians frig about with swirling guitar or keyboard trying to sound like My Bloody Valentine for a little bit.

To the bands that are considering inserting one of these tracks onto their CD, please, for the good of fellow layabouts like myself, please reconsider.

We get it.

We get that you are great musicians, in fact there is almost no chance we would be listening to your album if we thought you had the musical ability of Milli Vanilli.

OR, if you feel the need to showcase your amazing talents behind the drums/guitar/bass/keys/oboe… take a cue from a band like Interpol. Even though they decided to name the first song off their debut Turn On The Bright Lights Untitled (a big no no) , they very cleverly merged two ideas, a useless instrumental song with genuinely interesting, well written instrumental song with limited vocal, both piquing listener interest and showcasing the talent of songwriters and the musicians.

I am taking into account that artists use this musical equivilant of a wet fart to ‘set the mood’ or have some sort of intermission between songs, comparable to the side break on a record. But considering the fact that a large percentage of bands media is purchased online these days, and an even larger amount is illegally downloaded, (which, regardless of your stance on the morality of the issue, has created a hyper-educated music culture and given many bands a live awarness they would never have had before the internet. Middle-tier acts such as Band Of Horses who put out consistenly good albums with little chart prescense or radio play consistently sell out sideshows in Australia) this means that the age of the physical album is of course dying, making a choice like this (in my opinion) just plain backward.

I hardly believe I am going to be be burned at the stake for suggesting that the physical album is dying.  It is a somewhat sad state of affairs, however there is still plenty of room for great albums in the world today, and in the future. All I am suggesting is that putting time into creating a 50 second waste of time on an album is more than irrelevant, especially in the time we live in. Take the Interpol route, or take one more day and build the jam into a small song…just please don’t waste anymore of my time. I am doing a very good job of that myself thankyou.


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